Twilight

Love vs. Life

Will we fall for it - again?

Reluctantly, and under constant protest, I have finally begun my Twilight journey. The book that so many fell for, a "many" I wish to never become a part of, has now instead fallen into my hands. But the oh so famous story about little, self-pitying Bella with no personality whatsoever, moving to the devastatingly boring village called Forks, meeting Edward, the gorgeous and morally troubled 17 years old (+ “a while”) vampire, does not apply to me. So far, I could add, but I seriously doubt that it will grow on me. I have never been that keen on pretentious love stories.

I have had quite a few preconceptions about this book in particular and I must say that – may the force be with me in future battles against Darth Cullen and his army of brainwashed and easily offended fan girls – some of them has already been proved right. For example:

1. Low literal quality: The language is rather poor, especially compared to other books for the same target audience, something even fans have admitted (after a bit of persuasion). To my great surprise, Stephenie Meyer appeared to have a University degree in English literature, but as for someone with that skill in writing I can only imagine what kind of English literature she studied. Surely not Shakespeare, I can tell.
   
2. Non-original: I cannot get over the idea that, when writing, Mrs Meyer suffered from the horrible and yet so common DND – Debut Novel Disease. I imagine she had a sudden vision of “this great story about a girl falling in love with a vampire” but had never before managed to write more than essays in University. Not being an experienced author, she therefore began to take influences from others instead of making an attempt to be original, resulting in a perfectly normal, mainstream and rather boring young adult romance novel, with a little less mainstream subject. And then I do not mean love.
3. Serious: No time has been wasted on amusing readers possessing the not-so-by-the-author-blessed ability of laughing. Humour of all sorts have been violently thrown down into the burning jaws of hell in order to make way for unneeded descriptions of uninteresting people’s unremarkable clothing and alike. Along with this cruel murder goes the lack of detailed and intimate descriptions of the main character’s personality. But on second though, they might just be as exact as possible, Bella could of course be the partly psychotically non-emotional teenager as whom she is described.

Although I already know the ending of Twilight, it would not have been particularly hard guessing. Bella falls in love with Edward the Handsome, but is soon forced to realise that having a vampire for boyfriend will be somewhat hard, even though their feelings are mutual. Bla bla bla, she gets in trouble, risks her life to save his, something something, if not spoken, the sentence “It feels like it’s the right thing to do” will at least be thought while she is taking stupid chances, trying to save the life of her immortal (stupid, I told you) boyfriend, dumdidumdidum, Edward turns up from nowhere rescuing his fair maiden, why it looks like it’s heading towards a happy ending when a sudden, “unexpected” twist comes up and the novel ends, to our big surprise, with a cliff-hanger (as if we did not know that there are three more books to go).

To sum it up: I have entered the partly pathetic world of Twilight, and I have a bad feeling about the story’s way of proceeding already. Having seen the film, I know that I can only look forward to the really "tragical/exciting" sections, where I will hopefully have a slightly bigger chance of finding the story exaggeratedly pretentious enough worth laughing at. And, of course, the legendary…

Edward run.

Miss B.A. Vamposaur